Illustration Friday -- Run

I know 2 people who loathe bananas. I think they had a traumatic experience as children...

Illustration Friday

Bibbity Boogety Boo

Bogeyman will get you

SOMEDAY
because of our obsession
with the Bogeyman
Everyone will stop seeing the stars

The starry nights will be forgotten.
made into stories like Noah and his flood.
truthfully we fear the Bogeyman still.
We never will out grow him
So we put street lights and stop lights and house lights and flash lights and store lights and security lights and bar lights and lamp light.

Until there’s not a Shred of Shadow
MR. Boogey could use.
But in protecting ourselves from the nightmare--
we destroy any chance at the dream

So when we stand in the streets
protected by our lights we look up
and see nothing

and remember
the funny
amusing
stories about the stars.

Oops I threw up again

What the hell. I mean seriously.

Posing for magazine covers is bad enough sometimes. You usually end up seeing some hack who is way past their prime sitting on a cover doing something wild and crazy as a way to try and suck attention out of the general population (see--> Janet Jackson, Rolling Stone; see--> John Lenon, Vanity Fair). But this whole rash of baby pregnancy covers is getting way the hell out of hand.

I guess Demi Moore started it with her Stupid cover. Am I alone here? Are pregnant women suddenly the new sex symbol for the ages? I mean, I know people are trying to foist the image of "Ultimate Womanhood" and empowerment on us all, but really? I mean. I just really don't need to see pregnant ladies. Honestly. I'm ok.


The thing that is really annoying about all this is that the "public" lauds and praises these women as being bastions of encouragement for women and womynhood and all this other crap. Remember when Brittany had her "celebration pose" for the birth of her first rug rat?

I tried to make it pretty small here cause the pose is.. In a word.... Gross. In two words, hella gross. In seven words, I just threw up in my mouth. In haiku, Brittany grips a head -- As cheeks splayed, chasms open -- can't you smell that smell?

Well, you get the idea. I mean. Think about it. It's a 3d sculpture. You think there is a fig leaf in the back there? I seriously doubt it. I haven't been to the show and so far every article I've seen avoids that... area. I seriously wouldn't be surprised if there was the crowning of a head back there. (***UPDATE*** I found an article on Send2Press... It shows the crowning. IT SHOWS THE FUCKING CROWNING. FULL COoTER VIEW. Yessir. Sexy. There is now way in hell I would go see that show. Call me pedantic, immature, whatever. Not going.)

Anyway, I was talking about how crazy it was that these chicks get gushed on (heh heh heh--Settle down Bevis) for nothing, especially in the case of this sculpture. When it was "unveiled" people were saying how it was such a strong statement for pro-life and all this other garbage. Pro-life? Some ignorant, white trash re-tard has a kid, makes a sculpture of it and that make a bold statement about how other parent should definitely keep their kids? I tell you what. After seeing that, I would be encouraged to get an abortion because (a) childbirth seems totally gross now, and (b) why would I want to bring a child into a world that has life size sculptures of some ignorant pop star giving birth?

I don't see why in the hell she is on the cover of anything except "I deserve Jail Time" magazine. I mean seriously. Child services has been to their house like, what, a dozen times? And she is having ANOTHER child? The magazine she is on is supposed to be about fashion, and high class places to shop, having the right look. You know, bullcrap of the first degree. But Brittany doesn't even have anything to do with any of that. I don't think she would know style if it jumped out and humped her leg for a good hour.

The worst thing is that the vile little succubus is just exploiting her children for press time, BEFORE THEY ARE EVEN BORN! It's not something that we should be praising her for! She wants to be such a good mom? AN example to women everywhere? Then stay out of the media long enough to be one! What the hell man. I tell you what, if I was Sean Austin when I came "of age" I would stab her in the face with a fountain pen. Can you imagine growing up as the kid who's mother has a life size sculpture of you COMING OUT OF HER WOMB?! Seriously. Being a kid is hard enough without your mother being a glory whoring fucktard all of the time... Maybe that's why she keeps dropping him on his head, so when he grows up they'll be on the same I. Q. level...

You want nudity in art, here you are:

There you go. My good friend Marcel, from 1912. That's art people, and yes the human figure can be a graceful and beautiful thing. And many people ask, where do you draw the line, and I am here to tell you that you draw it at giving BIRTH on bearskin rug.

Comiconvoluted

Sinfest

Illustration Friday -- Match

"It'll never work, I'm from Ohio..."

Illustration Friday

Wall Farts

I went to the grand opening of a local Wal Mart Superstore this morning. First off, i want to echo a few of my co-workers. We were there on business, but -- don't OTHER people work? EVER? Places like that seem crowded all the time. There are even zombies there at like 3 am. Who are these people? How do they feed?

I was actually really sureal to walk around on their first day of operation. Everything was pristine. Nothing was out of place. A couple wierd things I noticed in my wanderings.
The lights over the produce are different than the lights in the rest of the store:

The soda display is right next to the toys now.
I saw a sale sign that said "Was 1.28, NOW .98!" How is that possible if this is the first day they have been open?
There was a "quick snacks" section of the snack asile. How much quicker can you get than a bag of chips? Were normal snacks so slow that they have "quick" snacks now? What is a slow snack? If it takes more than a few seconds to make doesn't the cross the line from snack to meal?

In all it was just a bizzare comentary on the state of American consumerism. It was funny to see all of the managers there with thier ties on huddling together like some secret ecconomic mafia.

Wal Mart Haiku from my wife and I:

Me:
ants ate my sandwich
Wal Mart was a total zoo
what did i expect?

My pictures were late
I waited, and watched people
The pics were free though

Lynn gave me a muffin
that and grapes will be my lunch
meditate and fast: Wall Fart

Her Reply:
Wal-fart it is, yes
Not a free hotdog in sight
A zoo for people

Didn't you  make lunch?
A turkey pastrami one?
And I just had mine.

Camel Jockey

ARE YOU CALLING US ROBOTS?

Quote from AP caption "Robot jockeys are seen on Kuwait's camel race track in Kabad, 80 Km North West of Kuwait City on Sunday, Feb 5, 2006."

Seriously, I think the insult has lost all sting. Come up with something else. And not towel head, cause that just proves your ignorance since they aren't even towels. Oil Barron? No, no...

Now, hit the tiny apple with a "tactical air strike"

The Pearl of the East

The "war" between Isreal and Hezbollah should be condemed by the US. Oh, yes, have you gotten that wrong? First off, I overheard some dulard the other day saying how the War between Isreal and Lebanon was a shame and I wanted to punch her. Right in the baby maker. There is no war between Lebanon and any country. Lebanon is simply a country who, while celebrating their long awaited independance from Syrian military, is being taken advantage of by a terrorist cell. Have we all got that?

Hezbollah is one group of fanatics, not a city, not their own country, not the Lebannese governtment freedom fighters or something. They are completely separate; further, their actions have been condemned by the Lebanese government.

Isreal on the other hand is a country. The begining of all this was with Hezbollah kidnapping two Isreali border gaurds and killing three others. Isreal responded, with what was origionally called "Operation Just Reward," which killed 540 Lebanese civillians. Wounding 600.

That's some kind or retaliation huh? Just Reward in-deed.

Yes, Hezbollah has continues to send missles across the border. And in responsed Isreal has carpet bombed parts of Tyre, and Souther Beruit. look at a frickin map people, those places aren't even on the border. Isreal has had less than 150 deaths, more than 80% of which were all military deaths.

Now I know, dead is dead, but at least the Isrealis were expecting it to a point. They were in the army. Do you think that families in beruit expected to be included in Isreal's indescriminant arieal attacks? That the other thing too, hospitols in Qwuana were bomed, 20 Red Cross/Cressent employees were killed along with patients. Children and mothers going to school and work are being murdered. Yes the world answers Isreal with a wimper.

Isreal is a nation. Supposedly as a democratic state and one of the United States' best friends they should be hald to some kind of acountability standard. Oh but wait. I forgot the bloody administration we've been suffering under has a policy of "Fuck the Brown People." Who cares if they were children -- who told them to be born in the Middle East right!?

I guess the big point is that sooner or later operation "Just Reward" is going to come around for all of us. And won't we be surprised when it does...