Father Bother

I used to baby sit in High school. Statistically there aren’t that many guys who do that, but I had a pretty special case with a few of the kids in my church. There was one family of three girls who were so very near and dear to my heart. The youngest I actually saw being born through her mother sharing the video with out youth group.

Babysitting in so many ways taught the lessons of fatherhood to me in a wonderful way, kind of like, being allowed have some of the experiences without the worry of full time responsibility. And, I don’t really mean the how to portion of father hood, the bottle warming, the diaper changing, the games, the bed tucking, the lullaby singing, the book reading, the shoe tying, the nose whipping, the band aid sticking or any of that. I mean the real processes of being a father. The learning not to worry about every single step the child makes. The learning of how to be in wonder at this little kids amazing ability to see God and know the love of Christ. The learning of how to create in them a sense of who God is personally for them. Those are the real pieces of fatherhood that we all look towards.

I feel bad for fathers these days. And I will say this now as someone who isn’t yet a father because I want you all to know that there is someone on the outside that recognizes this and shows solidarity! I feel bad for them though because they get a really bad rap according to the world at large. Which I realize we aren’t supposed to be listening to. As Christians we try and hone our ears not to the things of the world but instead to the things of God, but I think that so much of it permeates our thinking regardless. Do you notice it? I’ll give you some examples. You know the show “Everybody Loved Raymond”? I used to love that show, Peter Boyle the actor that played the father I think is one of the funniest actors ever. But I used to really like the humor and the meter that the show had, until I realized what the show was really about. It revolves around the fact that Ray, the main character, is a screw-up. First as a husband and then later as a father, it continually points out his, sometimes well-meaning, but eventually disastrous pratfalls as a man. And sure, to a point it’s fun to see the failings of ourselves in others, but the show takes it to a ludicrous extreme.

But now of course, one show does not a conspiracy make, but lets continue…

Who like eggo waffles? Leggo my eggo right? In the past two years they have been running a series of cartoon commercials which involve a bumbling dad trying, and never succeeding, in trying to get one of his daughters waffles. And again, funny at first but after a while I find myself just saying to the girl, “Come on! He’s your dad! Make the poor man a waffle!” But again, maybe I am being too sensitive.

There is another show called the “King of Queens” that goes in a Ralph Cramdon-esque move. (Remember that show the Honeymooners?) Here again, we see the deficient husband constantly supported and dragged out of trouble by his obviously superior wife.

And who can forget “The Simpsons.” Probably the best example of the moron father figure, the only saving grace that they give Homer, is that he is sometimes deeply sincere in his love for his family.

Another popular show from a few years back is “Malcom in the Middle.” In which their father Hal, is consistently either trying to hide trouble from his berating wife, or plotting with his sons to something they know the mother would never approve of.

Now of course if there were gross misrepresentation of reality there would be no show, nad it wouldn’t be funny in any way. But it just seems to me that the bar of expectation for fathers has been set pretty low by the world at large.

Media like that makes it easier for us to forget that fatherhood is a calling from God. The character of a father has lasting influence on the children of his family. We can gloss over that fact sometimes. We can concentrate too much on the father as the provider, the open wallet, the worker bee… We forget that God has placed this man in the family for an express purpose. There was no chance in his being a part of this family, he is called every day to be a part of the workings and the spiritual growth of the family.

This is something that we have touched on in some of our Family retreats this past year. We talked about the role of the father, and the mother, in the Christian household. In fact, there is one family that I know remembers the lesson well. Usually whenever I am around them at a church even the mom makes a point to call the dad “Captain” which was one of the ways we discussed the father’s role. Which I think is great that they joke about it cause it means they remember the lesson!

Biblically the father is called to do three things in the family. He is called to be the minister of the family. Dad is called to act as and emulate Christ to his family in a very particular way. We are all called to be like Christ in everyday life, but the father is called to act as Christ acted toward the church. He is to guide and lead the family in a righteous way and care for the spiritual needs of the family. We concentrate too much on the idea that the leader is supposed to dictate the rules to everyone, but we need to see that the best leaders throughout history are the ones who provided for the needs of their community. A good minister makes the people a priority, and so must the good father as minister.

The second part of a father calling is to be the manager of the family. 1 Timiothey 3:4 states that in a very clear and real way. A good manager though again does not dictate to the household what must be done. Think of the greatest managers you’ve ever worked for or with. The listen to your needs, they gather knowledge and they create a workplace that is going to be the best for the company or product you are trying to create. And the same applies. The product is a group of people who lead a Godly life, and only by knowing your family, listening, and being prayerfully dependent on God can a father manage the household well.

The third aspect of the calling is one of the most important, and is sometimes the easiest to overlook. A father is a model to his family. We all might have a story or two of an adult in our life giving us the old “do as I say, not as I do” speech. And how much water did that hold with us? Not much with me I might tell you. We naturally want to do as the group does. We spend so much time in the church and in Sunday school talking about how to better model Christ so that others can be taught and inspired by our example. And is the example ever going to be perfect, dads? Heck no, but even that is wonderful lesson of behavior for all our children. It becomes something real that says, this is how you mess up. Which is a strange thing to think about, teaching someone how to mess up, but if we never saw anyone having a crisis of faith or messing up then when it happened to us, we would be totally unprepared for it! To a certain extent our kids need to see our failure and how we deal with that as much as they need to see our success and blessing.

So when does this calling cease? When they are 18, 20? When they get married? Some of our older fathers out here know the answer to that. NEVER! At 30 I still know that I need my father for his knowledge and guidance. He is still the model for my life, and will be always. Fathers and men of faith are integrally important to the spiritual life of our families and our church community.

There is a legacy to be left to the future generations, one that is left by fathers and mothers, by church fathers and church mothers. You know who those are? Those are those extraordinary people in our church family who aren’t related by blood, but are related by love. I had one or two growing up in my church and they changed the way my life was shaped through their powerful example of Jesus Christ.

Every one of us is called to do that for the children of this church.

But there is a legacy we leave. We aren’t going to be here forever. We are leaving this church in the hands of those who come after us. And they are going to do with it as they will! Hopefully, they will have the understanding and knowledge of Godly Presbyterianism to guide them that was instilled there by our efforts. –but that all depends on our actions today!

I have a young friend who I have recently been re-connecting with on email. At one point this past week she and I traded a few favorite Bible verses back and forth. One of mine comes from Ephesians. It’s well known, but the section I wanted to concentrate on here this morning might not be. Ephesians 6:12 states that our battle, our fight is not with the people of this world, but the invisible powers that seek to de-rail and destroy it.

As we consider how we are going to leave a legacy, we must be aware that the powers of un-doing out there are going to work against it. We must know that our persistence is needed in all things. They are going to make this idea of family leadership seem like something that’s not so important. They are going to want us to not be the best example of a Joyful Christ when we come to church. They are currently working to make our lives so busy that we do not have the time to influence our children’s lives. Our legacy requires our persistence through them.

Our legacy also depends on our relationship with Christ. We talk about that in a kind of abstraction sometimes, but it pervades our life in a very real way. Is there trouble with your personal relationships? At home? With friends? Then we need to check our relationship with God. The relationship that we hold with the Almighty is reflected and refracted back into all of the other relationships of our lives. If our personal relationships feel like they are in trouble, or just not sitting right, then there is a Higher calling we need to deal with first. Romans 12:1-2 tells us not to conform to this world but to instead be transformed by renewing our minds so that we can show people what the will of God is. Paul is asking us to continue to pursue, pursue, pursue that relationship with God. To keep after it. Always, always… I had an elder friend in a previous church who was just always flirting with his wife at the age of 80. I commented once that they always seemed giddy together, and he said that there was a reason behind it. He said, I never stopped pursuing her heart. Here is a man who had been married more than 50 years who was still trying to win the affection of his wife! That is our calling to God as well. To be in continual pursuit of the mind and heart of God. To constantly be transformed to know the will of God.

Through all of this pursuant perseverance we must know that our faithfulness in action will be met with honor. God promises as much in Mathew 25:23. To the servant who does well with his masters gifts praise is given. And not only praise the blessing, the promise of other things. Those are powerful words when we consider the source. This is an absolute. God says, if you are faithful to me and persevere you will have the blessing. More than that the end of that verse says that we are to share in the masters joy!

Father’s Day makes us consider so many things, about our own fathers, and for some about the fathers we are still or will become. This is a wonderful time to step out and be transformed and renewed in our leadership in not only our homes but in our church and our community as well. God does not place slobs and dullards in His community of faith. Own the faith that God has put in all of us, and renew the legacy that we leave for the next generation of Christian Believers!