skurd

You know what scares me? FEBREEZE. What the heck is it? At the risk of sounding like some old curmudgeon sitting on a porch somewhere, waving my cane at the neighborhood... —the stuff scares me.

I mean come on. They say in the add that this stuff EATS ODORS. What the crud? What kind of thing consumes odors and then disappears?! Odors are created when a certain element has become “atomized” (as in an atomizer, not as in deconstructed into a base particle) and can be picked up by the olfactory hairs, etc. Now, as far as I know, there is still nothing that can defeat the 'conservation of matter' “law.” In that, you can’t take something and make it into nothing... So what the heck is really going on here Febreeze?!? WHERE ARE MY SMELLS GOING!?!

See what I mean? I mean this is frightening Area 51/Bush Conspiracy type of stuff... I'’m telling you beware the Febreeze!

Besides, I like my smells. What kind of world is this when if there is a smell in the air we SPRAY something to eliminate the odor? I mean . . . things smell for a reason. If you smell something rank in your house you damn well better just go and find out WHAT THE HELL IS MAKING THAT SMELL. I mean this is how bodies are discovered in shallow graves and so forth. I mean come on... who in their right mind says, “"Woooo! It smells like poop in here. Spray some Febreeze."” I mean, wouldn’t you or I say, “"Uh… Where is the poop?"” I mean really. WHERE IS IT?! I NEED my smells. They tell me things. There was a study from Purdue University that was all about how smell can unlock memories and thoughts that we are UNABLE to unlock any other way. You’re smells are important people! Don’t send them to smell hell or some bizzare oblivion in which they are transmorgraphied into something that tells you nothing of its origin.

You know what else really scares me? Apparently NO ONE ELSE has had this thought. Which, if true, is a feat in an of itself... But I digress. But it is true! Try and Google “'evil”' and “'Febreeze'” and you get NOTHING! Well I mean there are a few sites with the words evil and Febreeze in them, but that is just coincidence (if you have a million monkeys creating a million blogs… you will get Shakespeare... or sites that mention Febreeze and evil). So I guess I will be the first. EVIL FEBREEZE. There. Well cats and kitts, now you know!

By a strange irony while I have been typing this, by cause of one of this room’s other occupants, there has been an odorous interuptus fill the air... I think I’ll have to open a window...